A year later, I get a call from Alex, asking if he can travel cross-country to visit me, stay in my house, and meet my parents. I found out about it because I made some sort of inappropriate joke, and he followed up his laugh with, 'You're about to lose a bunch of people in my office a bunch of money. It was super embarrassing but I made myself stick it out with a smile until the date ended. He texted right away to make plans for a second date. He also told me that he got a soccer scholarship at the school where I work, but decided to go to a different college. I said I was getting tired, hoping he'd leave, but he suggested we take a nap. We continued walking — why didn't I run away, you ask? When I found him on Facebook later that night—after we hooked up—I realized he was cheating on his girlfriend with me. I'm sorry, but implying I'm a prostitute is going to get you nowhere. We spent the first hour date catching up, and then all of a sudden he got really serious and started taking me through his murky family health history: Sweet, but mostly creepy. The word-vomit:
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When I got there, however, it was clear the guy had taken the photo at least 15 years ago. The first thing he did was give me drugstore perfume, a shirt with a picture of his band on it, and some business cards, 'in case my friends want his band to play. When we first met up, everything seemed fine—he was outfitted as a hipster and even had a good job.